Are You Ready to Do the Mash? – By Toby

Toby heard we were covering Avengers Endgame and said he had a better idea… This is the start of that horrible idea…

(Editor’s note: There’s a rumor that Alex Lancaster, the founder/Editor in Chief/Lead Writer for Poor Man’s Spoiler, secretly has a Quasimodo-esque love child he keeps hidden away in some basement. This has never been proven, but if true, said child would likely have an opinion on films and entertainment. “Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree,” and all that. Today we bring you an article by Toby. We apologize.)

The end is here. Avengers End Game is in theaters and every other film site is filled with an overabundance of coverage and/or praising/shitting on Captain Marvel.

2019-04-21 21_12_22-Window

Writing about all the films that lead up to this point is so last year. No, really, we did it last year. This is it though. The End Game. What happens after this? Spider-Man has two other series that prove that he can’t carry a franchise. Captain Marvel and Black Panther are great, but how long can you play up those two. Are you expecting Hawkeye to be important?

Let’s face it, Marvel’s got nothing after End Game besides Spider-Man and Guardians 3. We all need to look to the next giant thing for our culture to unhealthy obsessive over and ruin with fandoms so toxic that MOBAs become safe spaces. GoT is ending this year, Star Wars is a bust, Doctor Who and Supernatural have been on far too long, and DC can’t even pick up Marvel’s leftovers and they are like, what, 2 ½ for 7; pass.

I think this next group is going to be welcomed back with Universal praise. Allow me to introduce to you all for the first time the next big thing; The rebirth of the Universal Monster Movies.

Image via Universal

“ToBy, ThEy AlLrEaDy TrIeD tHaT.” Shut the fuck up, no shit numb nuts. That Tom Cruise movie sucked because they didn’t have a plan and don’t know what people like. I’m not an idiot though. Just call me Lil Feige, because I got you.

Don’t believe me, I release bios for the Monster Mashers soon. Yeah, name’s pretty badass. You’re Welcome.

Written by Toby
(Toby is not a real person. This is a parody. A farce. A satirical piece. Do not take anything in this article seriously. It is written and created for entertainment purposes only, and honestly shouldn’t be read by anyone. Except as a means of torture. I mean, unless you’re into that thing. We don’t judge.)

Image via THR/Universal

 

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